Thursday 5 August 2010

Melt Like Chocolate

It has been a while since I last found myself reflecting life and zooming the depth of my being. I have been busy with the superficiality of life, moving around, getting things done and delayed. I have left this tranquil temple in the blogsphere that provides a stopover to fish my thought and reflect. I blame it on the Facebook addiction, my busy work, my laziness and perhaps the heat of the summer. I think I can blame it on everything else but that doesn't change the fact that I have been a bad blogger, a real bad one. So here I am, making another attempt to come back.

I was kind of sick for the past few days. I had thick phlegm stuck in my chest and I had been coughing them out every single chance I got. I enjoyed watching that yucky yellow stuff swimming away into the sinkhole. Now the congestion on my chest has been cleared but I am having a dreadful time holding back that glue-like juice that keeps sliding down my nose. I called my boss at 6AM that I couldn't make it to work. She said sleepily over the phone, 'take care of yourself'. So I did just that...taking care of myself.

I made myself bihun sup with chicken and tomatoes. I drank lots of warm water and peed a lot too. I took my medicine every 8 hours that really helped to dry up my nose. I cleaned my room, kept my washing machine busy with loads of smelly garments. When the sun was on the verge of setting down, I drove my Jeep, Lucky to a petrol kiosk. I had  juicy Subway sandwiches while waiting for Lucky to get washed, wiped and vacuumed dry. I heard myself saying when I started the engine, 'Lucky, I love you, you're so handsome today'.

I went back to my room looking at things that I have been neglected for so long. My plants and my toys. I found myself talking to the plant in my room and toying with the stuffed kittens, the gifts from my kids. I called home to wish my wife and kids good night. They sounded sleepy and related briefly about the things that happened today in their lives. After they hung up, I was alone again looking back at the plant and the stuffed kittens. I just realized that when the plant talked to me earlier, it used my wife's voice and the stuffed kittens I played with, mimicked the voices of my kids. I cried and tried hard to hold back the unstoppable tears and the snots that came along. It was a mess. I tried to find the reason for this madness. I have somehow mustered the strength to get back and carry on.

I am thankful that I have had this moment. Being sick, being selfish, being me with the little things that mean nothing to others, but only matter to me. I have to admit I was a little lost lately and now I found myself again. I think I will get back to work tomorrow.




3 comments:

pugly said...

Chin up, pal. One of the reasons why I decided to end my stint in the UK was that it got harder & harder to return back to London each time I returned home. So I made a crucial decision. A decision I don't regret.

Think of it this way: You're not going to be there forever kan? Think of it as an 'ibadah', to continue providing for your family the best you could. In the meantime, jangan sedih2 sangat ok? Take care, buddy.

Jumper said...

Hey Pugs,
You make me happy just being around again. And that hugs you gave, make me feel better.
Thanks.

Syamsulfaiz said...

It's ok man to weep sometime. In fact I would rather be concerned if you always show a tough heart all the time. Cry it out and it will be easier to cheer up again.

Hi pugly, I like your thought about 'ibadah'. That is a good motivation for me.