History has taught us how our ancestors had used mottes, great walls, barbed wires and other sorts of barriers as defense mechanisms against external forces. It is clear now the legacy of building up the defensive borders continue to exist in the present world. On the other fronts, faithful believers, in the past and present, have performed their religious rituals consistently to protect their faith and to keep them from darkness. Today, I was just thinking to myself what sort of defense system that I have that works to protect the core of my beliefs and principles. Frankly speaking, I'm defenseless. I have been too open to assorted kinds of thoughts, ideologies, philosophies, lifestyle and fallacy. I have adopted some of them into my so called contaminated life. Consequently, my core values that define who I really am have become vague subjects and been compromised big time. With my core values corroding, I sometimes struggle in my life finding my true self in some situations. While battling my own issues, recently, I came across passages from Doctor Zhivago.....
'Everything has changed suddenly - the tone, the moral climate, you didn't know what to think, whom to listen to. As if all your life you had been led by the hand like a small child and suddenly you were on your own, you had to learn to walk by yourself. There was no one around, neither family nor people whose judgement you respected.'
The words poke on my nerve. At the point of digesting the words, I realize how lonely and fragile I have become despite having lived in so enriching crowd for so many seasons. There is a series of work to re-assses the set of my core values, to re-built what is left of it and to reinforce the defensive line around it. I hate to admit it, but, yes, I'm in mid-life crisis and I have a serious construction work going on in my head....
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
I don't have much to shout about my new habitat. I haven't really settle whole-heartedly yet. In my dreams, I still find myself wondering the familiar corners of the old place. In my waking hours, I still find myself crossing the desert to the old playground a few times in a month. Sometimes it's just hard to let go and move on. But the thought of starting a new chapter and the thrill of embarking a new adventure, really turn me on....
Monday, 5 March 2012
Hadiff is missing a friend.
I feel for him and his great loss
Sushi Sashimi RIP.
See you someday, Sushi.
in melting snow
making fire and tea
I met you when I was wandering
it's been many worlds since then
though my secrets are wild and deep
and my mind races while I sleep
I will plant my hunger here
Secrets - Alexa Woodwards